I expect to be getting a new SUV soon. I like European engineering and am prepared to pay for it. My first test-drive: The Mercedes-Benz GLK. In full disclosure, I am a Mercedes man.

While I know lots of guys who swear by BMW, I don’t. BMW treats the driving process like they’re doing you a favor and it trickles down to their drivers. It’s brainwashing. Internally manufactured superiority based on vehicles that are only half as good as they could be.

A Mercedes is pure luxury. A Porsche is pure sports car. A BMW is half and half. For those people looking for happy-mediums, BMW is perfect. But, If you want real luxury, go get a Mercedes. If you want a real sports car, go get a Porsche. Real drivers don’t half-ass the effort. BMW does. Moving on…

So the first thing I noticed about this little SUV was that it really wreaked of old-school Mercedes-Benz, down to its scent. Like the first one I ever sat in, back in the early 1970’s. I’ve noticed in recent years, Mercedes lost some of its blatant class, but, this one has it. The leather seats… The wood trim… The fit and finish. All there. And the modern options don’t take away from the tastefulness.

The drive was the same. Soft, luscious, delicate. The gears shifted effortlessly and the engine was smooth. Everything a Mercedes should be. Too bad I still drive like my hair is on fire…

Like I said, if you’re looking for luxury, go get a Mercedes. I’m not currently looking for luxury. My hope was that because this SUV was small, it might have more athletic handling, but, Mercedes didn’t fail me. I said luxury and I got luxury. I know who they are and they know who they are. Timing is all wrong. So, I need to move on to the next applicant and come back to Mercedes when I’M ready for them.

But dammit if this thing wasn’t pretty…